Adaptation of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal

It is a mournful object to those who walk through this great country or travel the world, when they see the streets, the roads, and buildings, crowded with the poor, sick, and crippled, all importuning every passerby for an alms. These people, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in begging for money to sustain themselves.

            I think it is agreed by everyone that this prodigious number of the population in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of those adequately sustaining themselves, is in the present deplorable state of this world a very great additional grievance; and therefore, whoever could come up with a fair, easy method of dealing with those who burden society would deserve a great reward from the public for maintaining society and preserving the future.

            But my intention is far from being confined to provide only to the poor, sick, and crippled; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole of people unwilling, or unable, to work towards the betterment of society and the improvement of technology.

            As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several ideas of others involved in these matters, I have found them to be grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, people can live on the streets, although no one can survive very long by means of begging. It is apparent that we must prevent people getting to this point and through my proposal, beggars will become a tool for the betterment of society and the world as a whole.

            There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent annoyance and inconvenience of those who provide sufficiently for society, and rid the world of the abhorrent practice of begging for sustenance, which molests the important people in the world and proves to be a hindrance on such people.

            The number of people in the great world being usually reckoned seven billion, of these I calculate there may be about 3 billion people with an inadequate salary to sustain themselves and causing disturbances for middle or upper class residents of the planet Earth, from which I subtract 500 million who are supported by family members, although under the present conditions in the world, cannot be so many; this being granted, that leaves 2.5 billion people struggling to survive in the current economy. I again subtract 200 million for those who survive based on agricultural means and do not rely on traditional means of work to survive. There remains 2.3 billion people living in poverty. The question therefore is, how this number shall be dealt with, which, as I strongly feel, is utterly impossible in the current situation of the world. For we cannot employ them for lack of work, these people turn to a life of crime to provide for themselves.

            I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

            I have been assured by a very knowing Japanese man of my acquaintance, that automated servicemen are viable in a multitude of situations, such as the elimination of those who burden society while protecting those who are useful to the world.

            I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the 2.3 billion people already computed, 1 billion able-bodied people be sent to work in factories where they will serve as a work force to create an automated army. The rest will be temporarily sheltered in areas designated specifically for those in poverty until a suitable amount of automatons are ready for use. These robots will be available to all countries of the world for use in a variety of tasks including the removal of inhibiting residents.

            I have reckoned upon a medium that a single robotic serviceman will be able to handle anywhere between 4 to 8 people at a time, and if adequately modified, will increase its output.

            I grant this task will be somewhat costly, although surely the wealthy will be interested in the removal of those who burden society and the addition of protective services. Therefore, there will be no shortage of monetary resources.

            I have already computed the amount of resources necessary for such an endeavor and am assured by a well-respected man that the current amount of material in circulation is more than enough.

            I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

            For first, there will be a demand for engineers and scientists to design each automaton which will, in effect, stimulate the economy and provide global opportunities for careers.

            Secondly, the moral implications of ridding the world of obstructions will not fall to our honorable human servicemen, but instead to an unfeeling machine, which, by definition, does not feel human emotion and will not suffer any emotional repercussion.

            Thirdly, the world population will be reduced significantly which allows for allocation of natural resources to be more efficient. There will be no one to unnecessarily drain resources.

              Fourthly, the production of a robotic soldier will provide domestic protection as well as an offensive force for countries in need.

            Fifthly, and most importantly, there will be no one to disturb the middle and upper class.

            Many other advantages may be enumerated, such as effects on the environment, but this and others I omit, being studious of brevity.

            Supposing that this action is put into effect, poverty will cease to exist throughout the world.

            I think of no one opposition that can be possibly raised against this plan. This I freely own, and ‘twas indeed one design in offering it to the world. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of stimulating the economy by creating new jobs, therefore pulling people out of poverty: Of appealing to the world’s humanity in a global effort to provide for those impoverished: Of rejecting material luxuries in the hopes of creating an equal society: Of quitting out animosities and selfishness and helping those in need.

            Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and like expedients, ‘till he hath at least some glimpse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.

            But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, unusable thoughts on the subject, and at length utterly despairing of success, I came across this proposal, which, according to the standards of technology at this current moment, is wholly plausible and within our power.

            Ultimately, I am not so violently bent upon my own suggestion as to dismiss ideas proposed by wise men, which are equally innocent, effective, and easy.

            I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this essential work, having no other reason than the public advancement of the world.